I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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