Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
then he tried to convert me to islam
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
