I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
