dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just want nice things and good sex
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
