tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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