We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
