Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I forgot how hot balto sounded
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
