it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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