Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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