and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize