whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
