when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
