tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize
