i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
