Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
