She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
