M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
