my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
