we're chasing vodka with high fives
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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