Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
