I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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