apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Then you guys just all showered together...?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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