I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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