I wanna bring you to show and tell
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
