so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
