a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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