you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
