I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Blow job season was short but glorious.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
