he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
