Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
