Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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