Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
