I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
