i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
