btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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