she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
