tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
