I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
