CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
