my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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