so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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