i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
