K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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