Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
