You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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