dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He shit in the fireplace
dude. I can hear the air.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
