The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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