She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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