the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
