the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
